Men Don't Need Therapy

I love him, but hate him at the same time. What happened to the little guy that thought everything I did was cool? The one who wanted to hangout and do things with me? He wanted to jump in the car when I was just going to the gas station. He had an imagination that kept him busy for hours. I don’t know who the hell THIS 18 yr old  is?

He went from wanting little things for a couple of dollars, to this assh*le who NEEDS a phone. Not just any phone, he needed an IPHONE.

“you don’t get it. I need to have a blue bubble when I text people”. Blue bubble?!! WHY THE F. ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!… Oh, I used the F word because I couldn’t wrap my mind around the need for colored bubbles. I don’t think my Samsung and pixel phone were considered cheap because I paid a pretty penny for them. His mom ended up buying him one because I wasn’t gonna do it! He wants to see bubble? I’ll hold him underwater, then he can see all the bubbles!

Now, please don’t read this and think I would actually do that. No, I wouldn’t but MAN I’ve thought about it. Don’t pretend like you don’t lean back, thinking how much you want to throat punch one of these pajama wearing teenagers with their phones out and not watching where they’re walking.

I’m DAD! NOT BRUH, BRO, TWIN, BLOOD, or whatever it is that the lost youth are calling each other. I told him, if you are texting me, use words. Not ALR, WYD and other lazy ass ways of speaking. He says I text weird because I just commas and periods …. BECAUSE IM AN ADULT WHO SPEAKS ENGLISH!!!

I’m currently going through the process for disability, due to my medical conditions that I’ll probably address in another blog, and my son is working at a wing place. How? I repeat HOW do I always have more money than he does?

“dad, I know you aren’t working and need help. I want to give you money for some of the bills”.  It sounds sweet, but he can’t pay his Netflix account on time.  If he wants to help out, then he can buy some dish washer pods because he fills it up and leaves them there for weeks.

And I can’t forget the last minute I NEED A RIDE TO WORK or HOME. His mom and I had an agreement that she would pick him up. But he is so mouthy towards her, she gets mad and blows him off. ( Now that I think about it, I hate her too lol). Have you ever been told that your kid needed to bring something to school THE DAY OF? I have 3 times this year, and he’s a senior!!

“Can I have some cash to get a coffee at school? I want to get one for a girl”…. NO!!!! I just became single! I’m not buying a woman anything for a while. (Which is a lie, I always buy things for my ex if I think she’ll like it). Again… HE HAS A JOB!

The smell!!! Oh my gosh! How can someone smell so badly and not notice? Not just my son, all his friends as well? He can’t mask the smell with cheap cologne and things it’s ok. You smell like sh*t covered in lavender! Please, someone tell me why does he wear the same socks over and over without washing them? He has a dresser full of them! They are blacker than the shoes he wears! I make him take his nasty, funky shoes off at the door before walking in the house. One day his socks were so black, I thought he had frostbite! I told him “I told you to take your shoes off!”… He yelled back “I DID!!”  Oh man that was so gross!

How does he keep getting girlfriends? I know when he does, because he’ll actually fix his hair before school. I also know when they leave him because i have to sit through his long showers while BOYZ II MEN is on repeat.

I love my son, He’s all I have. But there are days…..

“Sometimes, when no one is around to save you, you have to save yourself”.         -Desperate Housewives

I may be dyslexic, never took a test before but based on how I read text and online paperwork, anyone could see it. I’d start my disability application but then every word starts running together. When questions are asked, my mind goes blank, I quickly get intimidated  and log off. I don’t have my partner anymore who would knock it out for me. She would have had it done, printed out and everything. But due to the trauma and demons I had in my mind, I screwed that relationship up… But that’s a whole different blog that I’m writing.

Training my mind to do something I’m not great at isn’t the easiest thing in the world. But it’s something we all face in life. There’s gonna be times where no one is around to help, I’m in that position now, and you’re on your own. Yeah, you can tell yourself “YOU GOT THIS” but do you really? Little things like grocery shopping become frustrating and stressful. I miss the days when I handed my wife money and she took care of it. Shit, I ran out of toothpaste and toilet paper a while back. We as men, rely on women to do little things like that and never really see or even show appreciation. It might be something small, and we think of nothing about it. But it will hit like a ton of bricks when you have to do it all alone. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks? Leave him alone and see if he sends for himself. I thought about giving up lately, but the good Lord isn’t thru with me. Either he has something in store for me, or playing a cruel joke. We shall see……

As a man, I feel the need to be independent. Men feel the need to be the provider, the GO TO guy, Mr. I CAN FIX IT. We do all these things until it comes to doctors appointments and online paper work. We will drop transmissions or crawl in the attic but will have our spouses call and book an appointment for a situation that WE got ourselves into.

Ladies, I’m not speaking for all men, just sharing my thoughts and experiences. I’m not terrified of the doctor, I’m just uncomfortable being there. Waiting in a quiet room with everyone looking down at their phones. Tons of health magazines but none appealing to a common man. I like to play golf but I don’t want to sit and read a magazine about it! Where’s the GUNS AND AMMO or car magazines? I don’t want to see why ginger root is good for me,  or how stretching can relieve the pain I’m already having. And why do offices only show THE VIEW or BLIPPIE on tv? Turn on SPORTS CENTER so I can see why my fantasy team is down. While I’m on this topic, a pool table would be nice! Whatever it takes to keep the male brain from making up whatever is going on behind that closed door.

If we are just sitting there, pretending to be interested in whatever it is that my partner is showing me, we imagine the worse shit that’s gonna happen when we get back there. A huge male nurse with cold hands asking us to bend over with a 12 inch needle in hand. That’s how we think! At least that’s how I think. That’s why we answer the doctor with the same damn answer, “I’m fine”. They know it’s complete BS because why would we be there? 

Then we pretend like we know every medical term being thrown out there by a doctor who thinks they are God’s gift to medicine. Blood counts, C1 and 3, blink 182, ab-6…. I don’t know what the hell this means!! All I know is T-1000 and if that shows up, we need to get to the chopper fast!! (Terminator joke).

At then end, we find out we are worse than how we were walking in. But then don’t listen and return to work with a GINGER ALE because we semi-read it in a magazine. I say all this to let women know WHY us men need you to make appointments.

I sat on a couch one day thinking to myself, why? Why am I paying $125 for a therapy session and all she told me was to write my thoughts down on paper? Farther more, why am I going to pay another $125 next time just to read it out loud to her? Seems more like a scam than therapy, in my opinion of course. I found this app by just looking up ways to clear my thoughts. Never thought about blogging and how it helps escape and clear one’s mind. I figured, “hell. It’s cheaper than paying for someone to ask HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL?” Yes, I know that’s not  how therapy works but hey! I’m a guy, and we don’t do shit like that.

As a man, I can tell you that we don’t enjoy unpacking a suitcase after a vacation or a trip. We will literally leave that shit in a corner til we run out of socks and undies… Or til our spouse points out how lazy we are, and then, of course, we have to get up to prove them wrong.

Emotions, trauma and all the wussy stuff? It’s the same shit as that raggedy  suitcase, we will avoid unpacking it til worlds end!! We aren’t doing that can of RAINBOW worms! That sugary Pandora’s box!! Feel me?! I’m a man, we don’t do that shit! We’re built different!

….. But we weren’t. We are built with the same emotions, same pain, same stress, same life problems as everyone else. Not opening it up and talking about things is a mental disease that men need to get passed. I’m not looking for answers or sympathy from others. I will be posting random blogs for everyone to read. Some may be as short as 3 sentences, some might be too long for even myself to go back and read. I’m just writing to clear my thoughts and mind. I’m not a writer, so you might find some misspelled words or bad grammer. Hey, that just shows that im writing from my heart at this exact moment. hopefully someone will read and just realize that they aren’t the only one going through life with no one understanding what’s going on with them.

So please, take this journey with me as I unzip and unpack this suitcase……..